Getting Older

I have recently had to deal with the loss of one grandparent and the deteriorating health of another. My grandmother fell shortly after Erynn was born and has since been living with my parents. She really doesn't want to be staying with them and to be honest, hasn't really made it very easy for them.

This past weekend, she stayed at her trailer by herself. I went over yesterday to help her get cleaned up and to get some stuff done around the house. I think that it is starting to sink in that she can no longer be alone. Not only is it even more of a possibility she could hurt herself, but she is much weaker than before and her vision is really bad. She had to ask me to put some of her groceries and dishes away, because she couldn't lift them up, they were too heavy. We are talking about a box of crackers and a casserole dish. I asked her how she was going to get them down and she said she wouldn't be using them anymore.

At one point in the day, she said that she doesn't mind getting old, she just wishes that it was with my grandfather. My grandpa passed away early January after a fall. It makes me so sad to see how depressed my grandmother gets and how she just gets through the day. I try to get my girls over to see her as much as possible, but lately I wonder if that is even helping.

We all miss grandpa very much and couldn't imagine life without my grandma. I know that growing old is part of life, I just wish that I could make this transition a little easier. My grandmother lost her life partner and is now more fragile and stubborn than before. I am just so grateful to have had both in my life and cherish every day that I have with my grandma. It feels good to me now to be able to help where I can. My grandmother took care of me and my sisters growing up while my mother worked. I am glad that I can give back or at least help where I can.