Roller Coaster of Emotions

My sweet grandpa, Angel Tellez

On Tuesday morning I received a phone call from my sister that my grandfather got to Phoenix alright, but that he was in a coma, unresponsive, and that the doctors where waiting on family to get to the hospital so that they could extibate him. Here I am thinking, "This is it." I have to get to Phoenix to say good-bye to my sweet grandpa.

Upon arriving to the hospital, it appeared that my grandpa was actually coming around. He was more awake and trying to pull out the intubation tube. He was following commands like wiggling his fingers and holding up the number of fingers that the hospital staff was asking. At one point he actually signed "I Love You" with his hand to my little sister after she signed it to him first. This has always been my grandfathers way of saying good-bye to us after a visit. So the doctors decided to go ahead and send my grandfather in to surgery to have tubes placed in his head to remove blood and relieve some pressure. After surgery, we were back at square one.

When I left Phoenix yesterday, he was again sedated for comfort reasons and was being woken up every 2 hours for assessments. They were trying to get him to follow commands like he was the day before. Even though we could tell that he was trying hard to hold up two fingers and to wiggle his hands, it was not enough for the nursing staff. I was hoping to that he just needed more time, that once the meds from surgery completely wore off, he would be following commands again.

Grandpa Lito and Avery Halloween '06.

My grandpa wearing devil horns. Ironic considering his name is Angel.


Andie, Avery, and Grandpa Lito.

Today, my sister says that he is worse. He is not really seeing things when he is waken for assessments. The new plan is to extibate on Monday, turn everything off and see how he does. I know that the end is near. I know in my heart that he would be better off once all of this is over. My grandfather did not want any of this. It is just really hard for me to not be selfish. I am very close to my grandmother and grandfather. They practically raised me. I am so grateful that my Andie and Avery had the chance to know my grandpa, but so sad that my newest little baby may not have that chance. She will be missing out on knowing a wonderfully loving and caring great-grandpa.

I am feeling so overwhelmed right now, with school about to start again and the baby literally just weeks from delivery. I am so grateful to all of you that have shared your thoughts, prayers, and best wishes with me and my family.