10 Days left

I know that my widget says I have 13 days left as of today, but I can now countdown with my two hands. I am going to be Induced on Feb 7th. It is only 3 days early, so I don't feel like I am cheating all that much.

My Dr. at GVC agrees that it should work. Dr. Rheinfelder has been fabulous. We have been planning for her to delivery me for the past few months and when she got sick in November, I was really nervous that she wouldn't be able to do it. Luckily, she is doing much better, back to work, and on-call the weekend before my due date.

So at my 38wk appointment this past Monday, I was already dialated 2-3cm. Which for me is amazing. It usually takes some probing to get me started, but then I blow through labor.

We are getting so excited about little Erynn coming, yes this will be her name. I can't wait to see her, see what she looks like. Will she look more like me this time, with dark eyes and hair, or like her sisters and daddy with the blue eyes? I can't wait to hold her in my arms and see her with her big sisters. I can't wait to get those first few pics of Lucas holding and cuddling her, because I've been doing that for 38wks now.

Then there is the nervous side of me. I am sometimes not sure I am ready for baby #3. It has been just the 4 of us for 3 1/2 years now. Will I be able to juggle 3 kids now? Will I be able to give Andie, Avery, and Erynn the attention they need? Will they know that I love all three of them the same? My mother did, many of my friends have done it. Will I be able to?

Baby Update

Well as of today I am 37wks. That means that technically I have 21 days to go until my due date, but she could seriously come at any moment. I went to my Dr. today and she measured me saying that I was measuring 38wks. No big deal, I have been doing this my whole pregnancy. Andie was a large baby and I have a feeling that this one will be the same. So, in light of a baby arriving at anytime, I went and got my "pre-delivery pedicure" today. This is a must for every woman about to deliver. (This pic is not of my actual toes, but you get the idea.)

So I expressed my desire to my OB Dr. that I don't mind baking this kid all the way, but that if at all possible I would love to deliver on the 7th (a Sat) rather than the 10th (a Tues). Everyone that is suppose to be present works during the week making it difficult to plan a delivery. I have had the unfortunateness (is that even a word) to have had to be induced with both of my daughters. I'm figuring this will be about the same as well. It looks like if my body is "favorable" at that time, then we will induce the Sat before my due date. If not, then I'll hang in there until 41wks and induce for post dates on the 17th. I am going to try as hard as I can to not deliver around the 14th, that is Andie's 8th birthday. Being a L&D nurse, I know that trying to plan your baby's birth is near to impossible, but I am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed all the same.

Having this be my third child and daughter, I think that we are pretty much ready to go in the clothing, stroller, and car seat department. This is the bedding that we picked for our newest little one. I was so sick of pink. Both Andie and Avery were saturated in pink. I decided this time around to go with super-girlie-in-a-non-pink-way. How did I do? Well, I'm sure that this is not the last time you will hear from me before our little bundle of joy makes her entrance into this crazy world. So until next time.

RIP Jake Johnson

Here is a picture of Jake when we first got him at Andie's 6th birthday party.

Jake Johnson
2/16/06-1/17/09

This evening we were very sad to find our dear friend Jake Johnson floating at the bottom of the fish bowl. We had noticed last night that he was not very active. He usually swims up to the surface when I feed him. Well last night he just sat there, then did like three flips before floating back to the bottom. I told Lucas that I was pretty sure Jake was on his way up to fishy heaven when he did one final flop.

You should have seen the look on Luke's face when I was talking about Jake dying. He said to me through clenched teeth, "You know Jake can live forever," suggesting that we just replace him without the girls knowing. I thought that it would be better to tell them and have a funeral for the fish.

So we asked Andie what she would want to do if Jake were to leave us. She said she wanted to go to Wal-Mart and get another Jake. She was totally onto what we were saying, so we explained that Jake looked sick and that he might not be with us much longer.

Tonight after returning from a Baptism Fireside for Andie, we noticed that Jake had indeed gone to that big ocean in the sky. Lucas showed Avery that Jake was gone and then all of us gathered in the bathroom. After some farewell words from Lucas the girls said good-bye. Avery said "Poor Jake" then walked out of the bathroom and said "Let's go get another Jake."

Sicky-poo Avery

My poor little Avery has been sick for like 4 days now.

Wednesday night after dance she was so tired and warm to the touch. We laid her down to sleep at like 8pm, no complaints. By 11pm that night she was up crying that her stomach hurt. Threw up once. So, into bed with Lucas and I she went. She didn't vomit anymore after that, just gagged a bunch, so much that the next morning I noticed she had little broken blood vessels all over her cheeks, so sad.

Thursday she mostly laid around and had me hold her. She had a fever off and on so got Tylenol and Ibuprofen most of the day.

Friday Avery woke up and appeared to be doing much better. Last night she was up twice with bloody noses and coughing her guts out.

Today same deal, bloody noses x 4 and coughing like crazy. She hadn't been able to rest long enough to actually get a nap so tonight she is spent. Her eyes are all red, glazed over, and goopey. On top of all that her fever is back. I don't know what we are going to do. I am exhausted just watching her. Poor little thing. Hopefully she will be better tomorrow. Since it is a holiday weekend I have to wait until Tuesday to take her into the Dr. or face the dreaded ER. Dun dun dun!!! (dramatic music playing)

Dance pics of girls

I am so lucky to have so many talented people in my life. My good friend Jamie Allen always takes pics at the dance recitals and she took these of my girls.

Andie fixing her ballet shoe in her costume from last Spring's recital. I love this pic, mostly because Andie decided not to dance this year. If you have a phone book you might have seen this pic in there. The dance studio decided to use it for their advertisement this year.

Last Spring was Avery's first dance recital, she did such a great job. She even fell down twice, once during each of her dances, but she just got right back up with a big smile on her face and continued her dance.

We plan on putting these pics up in their room once it is all done.

Thanks again Jamie!!

She's almost here!

I am looking to the future now. The past two weeks have been very hard for my family, but I am trying to stay optimistic and look forward to all the good that I have coming in the next few weeks.

We have less than 30 days before our little angel arrives. We are getting so excited and trying to have everything ready for her, in case she decides to arrive a little earlier. I had an ultrasound last Tuesday and they said that she was just under 6 pounds then. Well, they say babies gain about 1/2 pound every week in the last month, so if you do the math she should gain about another 2 pounds before she arrives. An 8 pound baby. I know that I can handle that. Andie was 9# 5oz and Avery was 7# 5oz, so I joke that this one will be 8# 5oz. Wouldn't that be crazy!?!

So, Lucas and I have not decided 100% yet, but we are leaning toward Erynn Kinley Johnson for this little girlie. I have liked Erynn for quite sometime now, but couldn't figure out a middle name. I had suggested Henley to Lucas and he was like "NO WAY", but he suggested Kinley. We had thought about Kinley for a first name at one time, but I like it for a middle now.

We have also been working on the girls bedroom. It is now the prettiest purple and we have these amazing paintings that Lucas' grandmother helped work on and were given for the girls as a gift from my sister-in-law Lisa. I can't wait until it is all done.

Well, that is all for now. Just trying to get through the next few weeks. Wish us luck!!!!

Anger

On Friday I got a phone call at work saying that my grandpa was doing worse and that my family was going up that day to disconnect him from all machines. I was determined that I would be making the same trip, so that I could say good-bye. It appears that my grandfather had made prior arrangements for his funeral which included immediate cremation with no viewing, so this would be the last time that I could see my grandpa.

By the time I got home, I was making my travel plans in my mind, what time we would leave, where we would stay that night, preparing for good-bye. Andie comes home shortly after I arrive home from a friends house crying that her and a friend collided on the trampoline. She was hit right in the right eye. I was looking her over and noticed that her right pupil was extremely constricted and the left pupil was extremely dilated. This is not normal. I called the clinic and opted to head over to the ER.

I had explained that we were trying to get to Phoenix to see my grandpa before he passed and they were great on getting us in quickly and seen by a nurse, PA, and Dr. Well, the Dr. told us that he had consulted with an eye specialist in Tucson and that it appeared Andie had Iritis, inflammation of the iris. The Dr. told us that the specialist prescribed some eye drops and wanted us to follow up with HER within the next 12-24 hours. By the time I got the prescriptions filled and got home from the ER, it was 7:30pm. I knew that we were not going to make it to Phoenix that night, it being so late and then have to drive to Tucson the next day. I was very sad, but I had a daughter that needed medical treatment.

So Saturday we load up the girls and head off to Tucson. When we hit Benson, I get the phone call, my grandpa is gone. They had extibated him just before 11:00am and he passed at 11:20am. The rest of the ride to Tucson was long and difficult.

Upon arriving to UMC, it was again very little wait, we were in a room and being seen within an hour of arriving. The aggravating part was that we had to tell our story over and over again. The Urgent Care Dr. came in and asked us what we were there for. When we explained that we had been told to meet this eye specialist he seemed confused. I started to get worried. Well, the eye specialist came in and informed us that she had no idea that we were coming to Tucson to see her. I lost it at this point. I was so upset. It turns out that there was a miscommunication between MGRMC and the UMC eye specialist. She was telling them that we needed to start the eye drops and see an eye specialist in our town within 24 hours, not drive to Tucson to see her. So here we drove to Tucson, had another ER visit that was not necessary, and because we made the trip to Tucson, I missed the passing of my grandfather.

Now I am just mad. I am mad at the ER, I am mad at UMC, I am mad at my family for trying to tell me that I had more important places to be and that it was O.K. that I wasn't there with them when my grandpa died. I wasn't going to the hospital for them, I was going for me. I needed that closure. I know that I am just being selfish, but I am mad and hurting. I wanted to be able to be there when he took his last breath and tell him how much I loved him and how much I will miss him. I have taken him to Dr.'s appointments and been there in the ER when he fell all those times. It has been really hard explaining to the girls that Grandpa Lito is gone. Both Andie and Avery were very close to their great-grandpa.

I am just hoping with a little more time, I will get past all this anger. At this point I don't even feel like talking to family because I am mad that they were there and I was not. Again I know that I am just being selfish, but it really hurts. I need to see my grandma today. I know that it will be very hard for me to do this, but I need to show her, tell her I am here for her, that I admire how strong she is, and that I love her. My grandparents were married for more than 70 years. I can only hope that Luke and I last that long.

Roller Coaster of Emotions

My sweet grandpa, Angel Tellez

On Tuesday morning I received a phone call from my sister that my grandfather got to Phoenix alright, but that he was in a coma, unresponsive, and that the doctors where waiting on family to get to the hospital so that they could extibate him. Here I am thinking, "This is it." I have to get to Phoenix to say good-bye to my sweet grandpa.

Upon arriving to the hospital, it appeared that my grandpa was actually coming around. He was more awake and trying to pull out the intubation tube. He was following commands like wiggling his fingers and holding up the number of fingers that the hospital staff was asking. At one point he actually signed "I Love You" with his hand to my little sister after she signed it to him first. This has always been my grandfathers way of saying good-bye to us after a visit. So the doctors decided to go ahead and send my grandfather in to surgery to have tubes placed in his head to remove blood and relieve some pressure. After surgery, we were back at square one.

When I left Phoenix yesterday, he was again sedated for comfort reasons and was being woken up every 2 hours for assessments. They were trying to get him to follow commands like he was the day before. Even though we could tell that he was trying hard to hold up two fingers and to wiggle his hands, it was not enough for the nursing staff. I was hoping to that he just needed more time, that once the meds from surgery completely wore off, he would be following commands again.

Grandpa Lito and Avery Halloween '06.

My grandpa wearing devil horns. Ironic considering his name is Angel.


Andie, Avery, and Grandpa Lito.

Today, my sister says that he is worse. He is not really seeing things when he is waken for assessments. The new plan is to extibate on Monday, turn everything off and see how he does. I know that the end is near. I know in my heart that he would be better off once all of this is over. My grandfather did not want any of this. It is just really hard for me to not be selfish. I am very close to my grandmother and grandfather. They practically raised me. I am so grateful that my Andie and Avery had the chance to know my grandpa, but so sad that my newest little baby may not have that chance. She will be missing out on knowing a wonderfully loving and caring great-grandpa.

I am feeling so overwhelmed right now, with school about to start again and the baby literally just weeks from delivery. I am so grateful to all of you that have shared your thoughts, prayers, and best wishes with me and my family.